I feel like a little kid stomping my foot, pointing and shouting about the unfairness of it all! It’s climate change’s fault!
I want to scream, rant, wail, rail against the injustice. Why did I have to be here in this time of climate upheaval? Why am I forced to make choices that cause me pain? Why can’t I just keep going as if everything is fine?
Damned climate change made me do it! It forced my hand. I miss the little family I had before. I miss him. But I had no choice!
What could I do? I couldn’t feel OK anymore in the ‘business as usual’ world – forcing myself to keep doing the things I’d always done and polluting even more than I already had. If only I could….
He wanted kids of his own. I wanted that too but I was too scared. Climate change made me back away from that tantalising possibility. I hate climate change!
He wanted to fly places, go on lovely road trips in his campervan thingy with me. I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t justify the extra fossil fuels just for my pleasure. I hate climate change!
He wanted to go live in the UK with his aging parents and his family. That’s a really reasonable thing to want. He wanted me to come too. How I would have loved that. I love the UK. Climate change has forced me to never fly again. I couldn’t leave my little Amy – barely 18 at the time – to go on a long journey overland and not be able to just pop back at the drop of a hat. Climate change stomped all over those romantic ‘living in England’ dreams I had long held. I hate climate change!
He didn’t get it. Why would he? He hadn’t had a child of his own yet. He hadn’t spent hours pouring over research and texts about the science of our current climate crisis. He was just living his normal, ‘business as usual’, innocent life. I wish I could have too.
I live in a new world now. A world dominated by this ogre that won’t let go its grip. An ogre that is consuming the world I knew and loved. Forcing my hand. Making me so sad. I’m feeling sorry for myself. I didn’t have a choice! It was fucking climate change!
Just when I start to think I’ve been a complete idiot, I remember. A surge of righteousness rises in me. I rise, arms crossed. My stomp turns to determination, defiance, bravado and I shout: ‘Climate change made me do it!’